Due: Wednesday, 7. NOV 2012
Read the article at the link: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/07/fashion/helping-a-gay-child-to-come-out.html?pagewanted=all. After you read, you are to pick one line or passage and respond to it. Any passage/line will do: you may like the use of diction, syntax or chiasmus; you may agree/disagree whole-heartedly with the sentiment expressed. No matter why you choose the line you choose, remember to be honest, use polite language that is suitable for this very public forum. Proofread you response before you hit "post."
The phrase that I have chosen is: “The most important thing, Ms. Kahn said, is that parents need to find ways to let their children know that their love is unconditional, and that their home is a safe place where anything can be discussed.”
ReplyDeleteImagine being a teenage boy living in a world where you’re looked down upon; where everything you say is used against you; where you’re considered “different” and no one wants to be around you; where all your “friends” stay away from you; where you can’t expose your true self. To homosexual teenagers, this world is called, school. This teenager has to face this every single day and the only time he can really be himself is at home. This is if and only if, he has come out to his parents and family.
I believe that this phrase that I have chosen is of utter importance. Parents, no matter what the sexual orientations of their kids are, should always be there to support them in times of need. They should openly talk to their child and let them know that no matter what their choice of sexuality is, their love will be absolute. I completely agree with this phrase. Now, imagine being this same teenage boy, however this time, your parents are against your sexual orientation. What do you do? I’m sure it will kill him emotionally to know that he has to seek outside help for support instead of from his own parents or family members. Overall, living in a community where you are constantly being rejected requires an abundant amount of love and support. The most efficient way to receive this support is through your parents, the ones whose love will always be real and will never lead you astray.
Jenn, two things work particularly well in this post: your well-placed and paced anaphora in paragraph 2 and the way you directly related everything you say back to your topic sentence. You have also established a healthy rhetorical balance between paragraph 2 and 3. Well written.
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ReplyDelete“Gay kids do suffer consequences for being gay, and having to deal with social attitudes that are not accepting of them.”
ReplyDeleteNow take a moment and really think about this phrase. It does seem pretty self explanatory, doesn't it? Dig deeper; there’s more to it than meets the eye.
In this millennium, I have frequently heard teenagers casually throwing around words such as “faggot” or “gay” without really processing the definition of these words, who they might offend or hurt, and how rude they might be to most people, especially those who are gay but haven’t had the courage to come out of the closet yet because they fear humiliation, abandonment, and being called names such as the ones mentioned above.
Personally, I have no problem with gays. They’re human beings just like we are and just because they might be attracted to the same sex doesn't change how they should be looked at and treated. Sadly, not everyone thinks the same way I do. These people develop a strong opinion towards gays and make them feel unwelcome and unappreciated in society. They regard homosexuality as a disease and look at homosexuals in disgust, making them feel out of place, like they’re a different type of species, different from every other human being.
In addition to the stress homosexuals endure as they struggle with their homosexuality and strange new feelings, they carry the burden of how their friends and family will react towards their homosexuality and whether they’ll be accepted for whom they really are or be left lonesome. Numerous homosexual teenagers who have come out at home as well as at school, have faced torment, ridicule, and embarrassment. For this reason, gay teenagers have often resolved to drug use, alcohol abuse, and rates of suicide and depression have dramatically increased.
So why should one’s opinion towards their friend change just because they find out that they’re gay? They’re still the same person, the same best friend. They would have stood up for you if you were being mocked, so why not return the favor? Don't let them down now; they probably need you most at this moment.
In my opinion, the article as a whole expresses good points on the struggle gay children endure at school, in the society and the effect it has on them and their families. Teenagers, who suffer from the consequences of their sexual orientation, do not deserve to be treated in such a cruel manner. Everyone has different beliefs, opinions, and different sexual orientations and yet we are still part of the human race. With that being said, nobody wants to be mistreated or rejected or be separated from the rest of the society, no matter what our attractions are. In my case for instance, I am a Christian and I believe in the Bible. The bible considers homosexuality to be a sin, but then again not everyone is a Christian and not every Christian live according to what the bible says. These are just some fundamental principles from the bible. Therefore, peers and friends at school do not have the right to judge someone because their gay or lesbian. It is immoral and selfish to make others feel unloved, humiliated and forcing them to live in an intense fear. The best thing people need to do is to be more tolerant, accepting of others regardless of their sexual orientation.
ReplyDeleteAdolescence is a tough stage for most teenagers, where all of them face certain conflicts. The only way for them to solve their issues is by getting the support they need, from friends and family. A gay child going through adolescence will feel that need more than ever, thus it is important for them to have someone to care about their feelings either at home or at school. Whether the child chooses to come out or keep it secretive, their person should not be as insulted as they usually are in our communities today. Parents also have to do their jobs of guidance and helping their children in terms of their social lives. To summarize my argument, we should stop mistreating any human kind, especially because we are all different in our own ways.
“Some research suggests that sexual orientation can show itself even at 3 years old.” Personally, I disagree with this phrase. It talks about signs of sexual orientation at the age of 3, which I feel is impossible to tell. My reason is parents dress their children at the age of 3. And in the article it says, a toddler wearing a feather boa around the house and pink light-up sneakers with rhinestones is probably telling you something, even if he doesn’t yet know what it is. How can this be true? His parents probably dressed him!
ReplyDeleteLets take for instance a small boy of age 4. You dress him up in tight yellow pants and a tight pink shirt. Then you comb his hair all to one side. I’m not saying being gay is bad or good. I’m saying the 4 year-old child, given the description of clothing, in my perspective looks gay. The child, whomever he or she is, doesn’t know what gay, bisexual, or even transgender is at that age.
I believe people who evaluate these children are looking in the children too much. Children at young ages make actions that incontrollable and the children have no idea what they are doing.
You see a 2-year-old baby kiss another 2-year-old baby. The one who did the kissing is the boy and the one being kissed is the girl. Now based on that incident, which is very common amongst young children, are we able to say the boy is not gay? And can we say that because the little girl didn’t react after being kissed, she will never be lesbian? I just believe it’s a matter of time. The child himself will realize what sexual orientation he or she is.
This is a comment on the article that I read:
Delete“My toddler son wore lots of layered, plastic, colored, glittered necklaces constantly , pretty much anything that sparkled. He spent his entire summer at age two wearing a piece of material tied around his shoulders like a dress, with zebra striped high top sneakers. When boys in preschool said they didn't like the color pink, he would say, "but flowers are pink!" He was aghast that anyone would not like flowers.
He is now twenty-two, and shows no sign of being gay. And I never wondered if he might be. I would have been happy either way, but it just wasn't' there. My point is just that he loved what lots and lots of people all over the world love: decorations, sparkles, fun outfits, flowers. I think the feeling that parents have is something deeper than those sorts of things, whose assigned gendered meaning causes us to conflate them with sexual identity.”
Sam, help me out here. I'm not sure where your quote ends and your own comments begin.
Delete“Whether the parents might embrace or reject a gay child, families naturally tend to avoid difficult subjects”. I strongly agree with this statement, as I do feel that some families avoid difficult subjects. No family wants to have arguments or talk about subjects that make them uncomfortable. Some may blame religion for making certain subjects taboo, but it’s also our society. Sex has been an uncomfortable subject for decades and is not only a difficult subject for parents in Western society, but also for most societies in general, regardless of religion. So If sex is a taboo subject to begin with, you can’t really expect certain families to be open to talking about their children’s sexual orientation.
ReplyDeleteI do feel however, that though some subjects such as sexual orientation are considered taboo, they should still be discussed. No child should feel that they will be rejected by their family. A person’s family is supposed to be a source of stability; it’s supposed to be a safe haven. A child should be able to talk to his/her parents, so that they can provide their child with guidance and acceptance. Instead of rejection. Their love and support should be unconditional. A child’s family is supposed to be there no matter what, even if they do not necessarily approve of the child’s lifestyle.
In her home, and in too many others, she said, “Nobody wanted to talk about it.” This statement clearly proves how hard it might be for a gay child to come out, knowing that his parents know about it but are not willing to talk. Not all families want to have arguments or talk about subjects that make them uncomfortable, but knowing that your child needs the love and care that he doesn’t receive outside; every parent should talk about it. No matter how uncomfortable it maybe, once the child is able to come out he won’t feel different from others. Teenagers, who suffer from the consequences of their sexual orientation, do not deserve to be treated in such a manner that they are unable to speak to their families, who are already aware of it. Everyone has different beliefs, opinions, and different sexual orientations, but if mistreatment or judgement starts from home what can the person expect from the society. Although, nobody wants to be mistreated, rejected, separated from the rest of the society, left out in his friend circle, or being ignored, but if he is not given all the respect and love from his own parents, he will never be able to come up.
ReplyDeleteI believe that parents, no matter what the sexual orientations of their kids are, should always be there to support them. They should openly talk to their child and let them know that no matter what their sexual orientation is, their love will be unconditional and will be treated the same. Just imagine being a gay teenager, whose sexual orientation is completely ignored knowingly by your parents, would do nothing but shatter you emotionally. Living in a community where you are constantly being rejected requires an abundant amount of love and support from your parents. Parents support and love should be real and never lead to in a wrong path. The only way a gay child can come out and be himself is through his parents, who would talk to him and be there when he needs them the most.
“…studies suggest that gay teenagers have higher rates of suicide, depression and drug and alcohol abuse than their straight counterparts…” This particular line is what struck me the most. No one should feel rejected from society because they’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. My aunt is the principal of a local Taiwanese school, and I recall her telling me an incident that had happened to one of her students who was gay. He was under a lot of pressure especially at school; he went to counseling a lot since he wasn’t accepted by his fellow peers. He couldn’t take it anymore so one night he decided to turn on the car in his garage and inhale the carbon dioxide released from the car exhaust; he was intoxicated and soon died. It’s not right to be mistreated or alienated from society just because you’re interested in the same sex. Thousands of kids here in the DRC, are dying of hunger, AIDS, malaria, and all sorts of other diseases due to lack of health facilities and lack of financial help. But in the case of homosexuals, a high mortality rate exists due simply because the way some people choose to live and love is different from what the majority considers normal. Each individual has their own mindset and has the freedom to choose how they want to live or WHO they want to be with. It’s no one’s business to interfere in it. I don’t think any government or individual has the right to dictate to anyone how that person should live or behave as long as he or she is not breaking any laws. It’s not up to any religious figure to define what is decent behavior and what constitutes a proper couple. I honestly believe that people should be allowed to define their own happiness and contentment and should not have to commit suicide simply because their definition of happiness or love is different from others’.
ReplyDeleteWhy the high mortality rate for gays? Are they put to death? Do large amounts here in DRC commit suicide? this point is unclear, the rest is well explored and discussed with compassion.
DeletePersonally, I think that the National Coming-Out Day is a very good idea. It is a day set aside for children, or just in general people, to come out and state themselves to be gay without any putdowns. It also states the counties stand on the idea as a whole. The line I have chosen sais “These are parents who know, deep down inside, that a son or daughter is almost certainly gay, but hasn’t worked up the nerve to open up about it. And many of them want to scream, “Would you just come out, already?” This does not make any sense to me at all and I do not think it is right. The day is made so that people could come out themselves not be forced to come out. One may see somebody else to be gay because of the way they act and behave, but I do not think that is reason enough to pronounce them gay. It is one’s right to come out and state themselves as to be gay to avoid mistaking somebody who is not gay to be gay. That way everybody who is gay can happily come out and those who are not ready can still stay unknown. The bad thing about them exposed when they are not ready is them going through depression, low self-esteem or even suicide. Letting them come out themselves then means that they are ready to be known as gay. What then happens after this day? Are they still looked upon the same way? Whether by the society or by the parents, does the environment they live in change for the better because of the national day and that they are now known? These questions can only be answered by a gay person, but do consider yourself in their shoes once and think of what you would want happen.
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ReplyDelete“Home is a safe place where anything can be discussed.” I am not sure on exactly how true this statement is. According to me home is the only place where not ‘everything’ is possible to discuss. I believe almost all teenagers would agree with this statement. There are so many things that I want to tell my mother but cannot because I know she will end up punishing me. That does not necessarily mean that what I am doing is wrong it just shows the generation gap between us. What is right to me could be wrong to my mother. For example in a 20 years when I have kids I will be perfectly fine with them having a boyfriend or a girlfriend but right now for my mom, that is like a sin. That does not mean all parents are like that, but a majority of them are. Sometimes at night when I am talking to my sister, I make sure my voice is low so that my parents do not over hear our conversation.
DeleteCultural differences also come into play. Most parents that I have met are orthodox but others are very open-minded. To have open-minded parents is very rare and lucky because then you can share everything with them. I very much disagree with the statement that, “Home is a safe place where anything can be discussed.” Especially not mine, in my house I feel like even walls have ears and therefore I am ultra-cautious about what I say and how loud I say it. All I can say though is that when I grow up, I will be a cool mom, and I hope then my kids do not hide anything from me. Did I say hope? No, I am sure my kids will hide nothing from me.
While it's sad that you don't feel you can confide important things to your parents, I can sympathize. just make sure you do have somewhere to go when you need support - sounds like your sister helps there.
Delete“But they also suggested that we make it clear that however our son turned out, we’d accept and love him — and to work references to gay life into our daily conversation instead of treating it as a touchy subject best left alone.”
ReplyDeleteEvery parent should accept and love their child no matter what. If they don’t that is really sad. Nothing should change that fact either. For parents this isn’t hard, as long as they actually love their child. Although it is many times much harder for the child to understand that their parent does love them no matter what. For most of people’s lives they constantly try to please their parents and other elders who they look up to. They may think that their parents will get mad or hate them for doing curtain things but really, there isn’t anything they can do to make their parents hate them.
I find the second part of this sentence kind of strange personally. I guess it can be compared to preparing to have a baby: you buy a crib and get toys for it, but it’s not exactly the same. But one would think that they would already reference gay life if they expected their child to be gay. I don’t see why it would be a touchy subject if they didn’t care whether they child was gay or not.
From what their friend told them, it seems their friend is worried about the child. Could the fault of homosexuality’s being such a low viewed part of society be because of the gay’s oversensitivity in addition to the many bullies that they encounter? Or could this oversensitivity be caused by the bullies in the first place?
Chicken or egg? Good question. I also like your analogy to the crib for an expectant couple. I think it's just that pregnant pause before something uncomfortable - like who will say the L word first in a dating relationship.
ReplyDelete“Coming out and coming to terms with being gay is easier now, but it’s a matter of degree and not a complete reversal of the world,” I totally agree to this statement that it is easier for gays and lesbians to come out and revel themselves but, not everywhere. For example in India it is considered a sin if you are a gay or lesbian. People think that a person is gay or a lesbian because he/she did something wrong or their parents did something wrong in their past life and that’s why the gods have punished them with a gay or lesbian child. It is really hard for them to come out and reveal themselves leave the society their parents themselves cant accept them. And the majority end up committing suicide or the parents themselves kill their child because they or society refuses to approve them. It’s really hard for them. They need support from their family and friends but unfortunately they don’t get the support instead get insulted and tortured. They are not allowed to go anywhere there a locked up at home and have do all the chores. I believe every human being has a right to live the way they want, just because of their superstitious belief they can’t go around murdering their child. I know and respect each individual’s belief but this is wrong, aren't they too committing a sin too by killing their child. Well I guess things are changing and gradually I wish people come out and forget their beliefs and will understand that it is okay to have a gay child and to accept them wholeheartedly.
ReplyDeleteWow. The info you provide about India is new to me. I didn't realize how difficult the various beliefs can make it for some people. I have friends who fell in love and committed themselves to each other their senior year in college - 1964. They are still together, but due to American cultural mores (they were both public school teachers), they had to keep their relationship silenced. Due to new laws (and their retirement from education), they were finally allowed to marry in 2008. It took 47 years, but they say the wait was worth it, to finally be themselves.
ReplyDelete“I’ve heard many parents who have said, ‘I knew my son was gay, I heard my daughter was a lesbian, and I just was waiting’ ” for what she called the “Mom, Dad: I have something to tell you” conversation. Announce that a person is gay is not a big deal anymore. Few years back I think we did not look at the gay community the same way as now, they are now part of the picture. I do not personally know someone that is gay but I am pretty sure that coming out in 2012 is easier than five years ago. Being a teenager is already for some teens something really hard, others even commit suicide; so I cannot imagine a gay teenager. Unlike what people say, I think that you born gay, you do not become one. If at the age of 3 we can already know your sexual orientation, toddlers do not think that much; they just play. As much as it is difficult for children to come out, it is harder for parents to accept the fact that they have a gay child. The sentence we always say when we have something important to tell our parents “I have something to tell you.” It is a scary phrase and our parents too. What are our parents thinking when we come in the middle of the living room and say that we have something to tell you? This day is really important for the gay community; I think it is even more important than the gay pride. Gay celebrities helped lot teenagers to come out too. You see more celebrities coming out on TV. It is because of them that the public accept normally gays now. This day is important for the gay community but also for the other people to understand that it is not easy for them to come out and that being gay is not a choice.
ReplyDeleteThe phrase I have chosen is « Ms. Kahn added, “I’ve heard many parents, who have said, ‘I knew my son was gay, I heard my daughter was a lesbian, and I just was waiting’ ” for what she called the “Mom, Dad: I have something to tell you” conversation.”
ReplyDeleteI Think I am one of those parents who will never accept a gay kid or lesbian daughter. If a parent has realized that his kid is gay, he should definitely talk to him. Some children are afraid to come out as gay especially if no one around them is gay. It is the parents’ task to talk to their children and avoid difficult subjects. Parents have to make their children feel comfortable with them so that they can be open.
In some countries in Africa, it is considered as a taboo and I agree with that. How can you just love a person who has the same sex as you? Even in the bible it is said that the man will marry a women and not a man like him. I am one of those people who are against gay marriage and it will never change. I found it really nasty but I know it is not easy to come out.
In 10 years, it will be legal everywhere to marry a gay except in Africa I think. I don’t know what I will do if one of my children come and tell me he is gay. I am praying that nothing like this happen to me.
I think it's so cool that you almost always mention how you think you will handle something when you are a parent. And I like the fact that no matter what your opinion is on this subject, you stress that you will want to keep the channels of communication open with your children. It's very cool that family and family relationships are so important to you.
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